Master blowjobs… and your gag reflex

If you’re in NYC on October 1st and 2nd of 2022 don’t miss out on the free Sex Expo. Romantic Depot’s own educator will be teaching “Take the Job out of BJ” where you can learn to give the best BJ of your life without breaking a sweat. Carly S. shares tips and tricks to get you in the mood for giving and receiving amazing oral sex on a penis. She’ll cover anatomy, hand and mouth techniques and the best toys to accessorize your licks, sucks, and strokes so you can take what you’re already doing to the next level.

Sucking cock isn’t called a blow job for no reason. It’s not always the easiest task at hand. For example, they come in a wide variety of different sizes, shapes, and curves, as do the folks attached to them. And the holy grail of every blow job is deep throating, and gagging is inevitable for most. So don’t be worried if you can’t completely turn off your gag reflex. It’s a perfectly natural reaction to having any object placed in your mouth and very likely down your throat. We’re all going to have different tolerance levels, and bodies are fickle! Those tolerance levels can change from partner to partner or even day to day. While you might gag at the slightest touch to your tongue one morning, you might be able to get the length all the way down your little throat that night. It can depend on lots of different factors, such as how aroused you already are, your position, your mood, etc, etc.

The good news is, many people actually enjoy the sensation of someone gagging and even find it hot when there’s someone gagging on their cock. It might have something to do with mainstream porn, or it could be an ego boost about their size. It doesn’t really matter why it’s a turn-on for us, so long as no one is harmed and everything is consensual. Desire can’t always be explained or rationalized. Ultimately, it’s the gag reflex’s job to prevent you from choking, so your body is doing a good thing! So while you likely won’t be able to turn it completely off, there are plenty of ways to get more comfortable giving head, while still respecting your bodily limits and desires.

Never give a blowjob unless you want to

Since enthusiastic consent is the most important part of sex, you should never do any sex ac t that you aren’t interested in. Not only should you not be coerced into anything, but when you do something you don’t want to do you’ll do it without enthusiasm. Unfortunately, there are people who will pressure or even force and that is ever even okay. No one is owed sex, no even someone you’re dating or married to— and yes that includes blowjobs, even if your partner feels entitled to having them. You don’t have to suck their cock every time you have sex. You don’t have to suck cock at all. And if you decide you want to suck cock, you never have to push yourself beyond your limits.

Practice on a dildo

Practice makes perfect after all. If you’re determined to gag less easily, the best bet is to start by practicing on an inanimate object because then it’s in a zero-pressure situation. Just go ahead and put a dildo into your mouth and see how far you can get until your gag reflex is triggered. Hold the dildo in that spot as long as you can and focus on your breathing. Once you start getting used to the sensation, you can add in some back-and-forth motions to take your practice to the next level. Realistic dual-density dildos like from Vixskin are great to practice on since they not only look real, but they feel real thanks to the firm core and softer outer layer. They come in a wide array of sizes and colors so you can pick one close to your partners size if that’s your goal.

Master breathing

Breathing may not seem that important when you’re giving head, but it makes a huge difference in blowjobs and in life. Sure, we all breathe in one way or another, but breathing properly is how to make giving a BJ even easier. When giving head, it’s important that you inhale and exhale through your nose to prevent yourself from gagging, and to manage any anxiety you might experience about choking or puking. Just remember to keep breathing and don’t hold your breath.

You don’t have to deep throat

I can appreciate the pressure to deep throat, but there is no need to try and imitate anything you see in mainstream porn. If you’re thinking that deep-throating is the only real way to give head because that’s all you ever see in the porn you watch. Don’t worry: most people can’t actually deep-throat, with practice or no practice, and that is totally okay because you can still give mind-blowing oral sex to your partner without deep throating. You can even grab an open-ended stroker like the X5 Going Downtown BJ Stroker in pink or clear. It’s a stretchy sleeve you use at the base of the shaft, to stroke the part of the penis that isn’t in your mouth to give the sensation of deep throating.

Use your hands

Using your mouth is great, but adding your hands to pleasure your partner can take your BJ to the next level. If someone thinks that “no hands!” is somehow superior, they haven’t experienced someone who is good with their hands. Go ahead and focus your mouth and tongue on the head of their cock which is the most sensitive part, and then use your hands to control how deep he goes in your mouth. Get everything nice ’n wet with your favorite flavored lube— and stroke him in rhythm with your mouth. Go one step further and add a sleeve for added texture and sensation. The Perfect Fit Masturbator, Xplay Jack Daddy, Stroke Sleeve, or VeDo Grip with vibration are all great options to incorporate into your oral play.