So You Want To Get Kinky, A Beginners Guide
October is national kink month, so it’s a great time to explore any kinks you’ve been curious about. October seems like an obvious choice for Kink Month because Halloween and kink go hand in hand like chocolate and peanut butter. Just think about it, the leather hoods, masquerade masks, whips, and other accessories for sale make amazing Halloween costumes and even better BDSM accessories. But it’s really the holiday’s core spirit of sexy exploration and expression that just feels like the right season to explore what BDSM all about. After all, Kinky sex is based on experimentation, adventure, and exploration of roles and dynamics that are often different from the day-to-day lives we lead. Halloween, for adults, is an excuse for playing dress-up with sexy costumes, pretend identities, and the enjoyment in the darker side of life. Not sure where to start? That is totally normal. No one inherently knows how to explore a kink and ensure it’s a great experience for everyone involved in the scene. So how do you get started if you’re truly starting from Square one?
First, What Is Kink?
We’re going to start with some basic definitions. Remember that knowledge is power, and you have a full understanding of what you’re talking about, fantasizing about, and asking other people if they want to participate in is the groundwork of making your foray into kink a good time.
In human sexuality, kinkiness is the use of non-conventional sexual practices, concepts, or fantasies. The term derives from the idea of a “bend” (cf. a “kink”) in one’s sexual behaviour, to contrast such behaviour with “straight” or “vanilla” sexual mores and proclivities.
Some popular kinks are as follows:
BDSM (Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadism/Masochism)
BDSM is the most widely fantasized kink, espically since BDSM includes a wide range of actions and scenes including power play dynamics (think Dominant/Submissive or Top/Bottom), impact play (spanking), and restrained or incapacitated.
Orgasm control
Orgasm control can mean any of a few different types of sexual activities involving forcing, denying, postponing or extending orgasm, sometimes in combination.
Roleplay
To bring a sexual fantasy to life people will act out different characters, usually with costumes and props. How invested in the roleplay you get is completely up to you!
Voyeurism
The act of watching someone in sexually compromised, exposed, or suggestive situations. In many voyeuristic fantasies, it is usually implied that the person is unaware they are being watched.
Group Sex
Group sex is pretty straight-forward. It’s any sexual encounter that involved more than one sexual partner (casual or steady).
Water Sports
A term used to talk about sexual activities involving urine. Water sports may involve drinking pee, watching someone pee, or being peed on (aka a Golden Shower).
Why Explore Kink?
There’s many reasons why someone might enjoy any number ofparticipating in kinky activites. Some people develop kinks early in life. Think of someone who, as a child was playing with a friend who like to pretend to be Wonder Woman and ties them up with the Lasso of Truth, who then grows up to enjoy bondage. Or maybe you discover your interest for whatever kinks as you explore your sexuality as an adults. Partcipating in a particular kink can be a way to experience feelings that someone does not have easy access to in their typical day-to-day life, like relinquishing control and being submissive.
Sharing kinky experiences with a partner or group can also enhance intimacy and strengthen the bond between two or more partners. Discussing what makes you curious about your kink or why it turns you on can be a great way to begin the discussion of adding it to your next play time!
Get Ready
With kink, planning and prepping is actually very important in most scenes. Not only in terms of getting all of the tools and accessories ready, but in terms of communication and making sure everyone is properly warmed up and ready to go. Just like you would during vanilla sex, use foreplay to ease into the moment when you’ll get kinky. Plan out loosely how you want the scene to go. Take some time to check in and talk to your partner(s) about everyone’s interests (what you would each like to try), comfort level (how far will we take this), limits (what is completely off limits), safe word (consider this as a way to alert your partner at any moment that you want to stop).
Time to Getting Kinky
Get all the tools you’ll need!
Explore all the kinky tools and products and then tailor it to your specific scene. Are you pretending to be a naughty school girl who can’t pay attention in class? Grab some school girl lingerie, and place the lust dual rider on your chair and see how long you can focus on the lesson before you need to be disciplined with a spanking with a paddle. Maybe you’re a bunny with fluffy ears who’s going to hop around with a bunny tail plug for their owner. The options are only as limited as your imagination.
Experiment Alone
Sometimes you’ll need a 2nd person to help you test things out, so it might not always be possible, but it can be easier to try something for the first time on your own without concern for another person’s reaction. So make sure to test out impact toys on yourself first, put the restraints on, etc. See how things feel before you put another person in them.
Do your research
If the kink you’re interested in requires safety guidelines, we strongly encourage learning before taking the plunge! Classes for kinks like bondage, shibari, impact play, Dom/Sub experiences, and more are available online and in person depending on your location.
Try Low Pressure Kinks First
Sensation play (tickling, teasing, warming or cooling sex toys, wax play) and light impact play (spanking) can be an easy way to explore your kinky side without diving in head first.
Keep Communicating
Remember to keep checking in with your partner(s). You can never check in too much!
Aftercare
Aftercare means different things to different people, but the bottom line is to be kind to yourself and your partner(s) after any kink experience. Take care of any physical needs, grabbing water or snacks, a balm for impact spots, or just cuddling. Check in about what you both enjoyed and what could be improved for next time.
Now go forth and explore!!
